Part One-When I was an Atheist
This is an (unedited) story of my journey into meditation and generally a healthier lifestyle. You see I was one of those who was caught up in the rat race of career, money, relationships etc. because that was all I knew. There was no gap between me and my ego, as in my worldly identity, the perception of the world, and the indoctrination of rules and expectations. (I'm not saying rules/laws are bad...we need order as a society)
The year I was turning 30 was arriving fast. By then I was happily married with a son, a house with a nice career in technology--I felt like my checklist of having a good life was in order. I even ran my first marathon. I followed my rules of culture to live the proper life.
But I was not happy, or better I still felt some sort of void inside of me. I wanted to understand this. I was grateful to have my son and my work without a shadow of a doubt (that's another blog) but I was not happy about the institution of marriage, religion and the suburban lifestyle. The thought, "Is this all there is to life? Is this the big chase we've been taught to go after?" "What's next?" kept running through my mind. So I started my search online.
I started by evaluating and questioning my religion. Why are "they" the "right" belief? Why are they right and other religious practices wrong? Does God even exist?
Because of so many questions and recognitions of its fallacies, I decided to try Atheism. I read and listened to self-proclaimed experts and authors. It made sense to me. I felt like the story of "God" was nothing but a story to control the masses. I needed to learn more about reasoning and rational thinking. I wanted to know the Truth.
More importantly, I thought without "God", I was the navigator of my life. I could take control of my own life.